My Music & Works
Rob Chapman's Music
About This Song:
[Lyrics]
It's been a long time since I said this
It's been a long time, since I thought I felt okay
It's been a long time since I smiled
Living alone, trapped in denial, lost my way
It's been a long time since I thought about
What might be out there, I have doubts
That there is anything out beyond this place
It's been a long time since I cared enough
To talk with anybody 'bout
The things that inside of me that eat away
So here I am
Opened up
I'll let you see right through my skin
And dig and tear at what's within
Yeah, here I am
Stitched back shut
I let you make the inside hollow
But I still don't feel like what I used to know
It's been a long time since I said I'm fine
And meant it, I've been lost in lies, it's true
It's been a long time since my life made sense
A contradicted innocence
I'd throw it all away, just wish I could
It's been a long time since I thought the miles
Could be traversed, it's been awhile
Since I have even thought about a way
It hasn't been a long time since I cried
I'm weak as sin, I've lost my pride
The walls broke down so long ago
The pieces faded in due time
I'm sick of being trapped right here
Inside this noxious atmosphere
I'm nauseous when I think about this life
It's been a long time since I felt alive
Been giving up the things I like
Been wallowing around without a dream
It's been a long time trapped inside my head
Demotivated, here in bed
If I only had the heart to, I would scream
It's been a long time since I cared to pray
Don't know what's out there anyway
For all I know, maybe this is it.
It's been a long time, since I felt the same
Inside of me, not much has changed
It's just that I've forgotten what it is
Not telling you 'bout what's inside
Instead I'll nod along and lie
And make you think I'm happy, like I always do
Okay... there is a lot of teenage angst-ridden material in my catalog of older works, but this is one of the few songs that I wrote in that time that I don't feel was really over-dramatized. My past year surrounding the time that I wrote this song was literally a living hell. I had been through a really messed up first relationship (long distance, my Dad had been in the hospital after a heart attack and a massive bypass surgery, I spent the whole year trying and not succeeding at finding a job, and I had failed grade 12 in high school by one credit. I had originally wanted to pursue game design in college but it was beginning to dawn on me that it wasn't the world I wanted to get into, and I had missed any opportunity to pursue music in high school. It was a very rough time. This song sums up my headspace at that time. I heard the instrumental and wanted to write to it immediately, and this is what it came to (I did not write the music for, or arrange about half of the songs on Saturday). Maybe it is a bit exaggerated, but for the time I was going through, this song made sense to me. I was just starting to come out of my old school metal phase as my listening habits shifted toward grunge and alternative rock.